Alright! Less than 17 hours before i'll hope on my little bike and pedla like crazy all the way to montreal. After packing all my gear into the support trucks, i'm taking some time at a friends place to relax and reflect. I'm not really in a reflective mood, I'm actually kinda sleepy and think i should go find more food but if i was not sleepy and had more food i think i would be reflective. Actually i fell like i have nervous belly, you know anticipation, fear, excitement, and fear all wrapped up in one adn manifesting in a wierd flip flop motion in yer insides. questions popping in and out of my head, will i sleep through my alarm tomorrow morning? will i pop a tire? get hit by a car? will people like me? Will I be able to do it? I joined this ride to challenge myself, to grow, to take chances, my discomfort and questions right now tell me i'm doing just that. I'm throwing myself into something that feels totally new (even though i did it last year). I'm not good with new, i like predictable, i like order, i like to stay at home and read and play with my cats or mess around in the garden. Jumping into a huge group (like say 400) of new people and trying to get over that "i need to fit in" feeling is a good challenge for me. I know it's hard to belive but i really am incredibally shy, and my discomfort with new stems out of that. But this is why i ride. to show myself that sometimes jumping in without testing the water can be an amazing expereicne. and every time i jump without testing my fear of jumping gets a little bit smaller. i find a little bit more comfort in the unknowns. So i guess i am getting reflective, a few years ago a friend of mine was killed while riding his bicycle, I got thinking of him today, how amazingly brilliant (and i mean shiny) he was. he was such an incredible loving light, how genuine and open he was. life is so complex and so unpredicatble, and that is what makes it beautiful. You really never know where life will take you, it's not gunna be rainbow and glitter unicorns all the time, sometimes it'll be downright shitty. but i think it's ot really "what" you live though but 'how" you live through where life takes you. And i think it takes stepping outside where you are comfortable. step outside of what you think you are and have a look back at yourself. it's pretty awesome, and terrifying. But this is why i ride, this is me getting further away from what i think i am and getting closer to who i really am.
so thank you all for your incredible support. thank you for reading my (infrequient and badly spelled and grammered) rants and wanderings. thank you for giving me your change and helping me raise almost $4400 for an incredible organization. I'll be donating around 425 to the local AIDS committee in your honour. and to those who didn't have the change to spare, thank you for your warm thoughts and words of encouragement, they are every bit as important to me.
ok i'm signing off, i'll hope to post an update once we get to kingston, and i have acess to internet again.
many blessings.
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